Have you ever set a goal and not achieved it? Maybe it was to lose weight, quit smoking, or learn scuba diving? Ever wondered why you never managed to make it work for you?? The common answer might be, “I failed”, “I lack self-discipline”, “I just could not do it – it was too hard.” Most people blame themselves, their weaknesses, lack of character, or any number of self-deprecating reasons for why they do not achieve what they want to, no matter how desperate for an outcome. The truth is you do not have to blame yourself, but look for what else might be motivating you – what other intentions are at play.
“Sally” is a 42-year-old senior manager. She has been trying to lose weight for the last 10 years or more. She has tried numerous diets and exercise plans. Sometimes she has success, but never with sustained results. She has a very deliberate intention to live a healthy life. However self-sabotage creeps in: she cannot resist going out with the girls for a few drinks, eating some hot chips, followed by dinner out, and a tantalising dessert. A good evening is had by all, and Sally’s health regime is out the window. When discussing this with Sally she realises that the other dynamic at play is her desire to feel included, to be one of the gang. So she makes choices that are not compatible with her regime, just so she may feel included. Eating had become a way of connecting with others.
Sally’s intention to live a healthy life conflicts with her intentions to feel included. The enthusiastic energy of lifestyle reform meets the opposite energy of belonging through eating excursions and the energies/intentions cancel each other out. The result? Sally is caught in a never-ending desire to be healthy without ever achieving her goals.
So what to do about these conflicting intentions?
1. Acknowledge that there are conflicting intentions holding you back.
2. Look for the unmet needs in the intentions.
3. Look for the underlying emotions in the intentions.
4. Plan to have these needs met in new ways.
5. Dissolve the tension that the emotions are holding over you by exploring these feelings completely. I recommend you do this with a coach who is trained in resolving Core Dynamics of common problems.
6. Accept who you are, with or without conflicting intentions!
Emotionally healthy, well-functioning individuals carry out their intentions unless there is a dynamic that conflicts with the stated desire. Through physics we understand that EVERYTHING is made up of energy. This includes thoughts, actions, intentions, things and circumstances. They are all made up of energy. Our desires have energy which causes things to happen or come to us. (This doesn’t mean we don’t have to do anything, but it does usually mean an absence of struggle). However, when things DON’T happen, the culprit is almost always an unseen or unspoken intention that has more energy than our desire. These conflicting intentions – the bugs in our inner human software – come from conditioning from the past. (c)Coachville 2003)
Some definitions to help you with this concept:
* Intention: An aim that guides action; the desire to be, do, or have something
* Conflicting Intentions: beliefs which are the result of conditioning, and block our success and self realization
* Self Sabotage: the result of our conflicting intentions
Enjoy freeing yourself form your conflicting intentions!