You can sense it immediately. . . . You are talking with a prospect, and you are hearing more about how his or her spouse will react than how your prospect is feeling about the opportunity you are offering him or her.
You might have heard things like:
“My husband hates it when I go out at night for meetings.”
“I’m going to have a lot of resistance about the time this will take from my family.”
“My spouse is not going to let me spend any money.”
“My spouse is going to throw it up to me about all the other deals I tried that didn’t work.”
“My wife hates it when I’m on the phone a lot.”
And so on.
Let’s face it; either you or someone you know has burnt a few bridges at home pursuing an opportunity that didn’t work out. However, it is vitally important to win over that reluctant spouse if you can.
Years of experience with this topic have given me a number of helpful suggestions I can pass along to you. First, spend some time in a freeing discussion clarifying the dreams that your spouse has about where he or she would like your family to be and what he or she would like to do with the
Often times, when your loved ones start “thinking big,” they begin to realize for the first time that your fixed salaries are unlikely to allow fulfillment of those dreams. Consider materialistic dreams like new homes, cars, boats, clothes, jewelry, vacations and toys . . . and then consider your dreams of time freedom. Perhaps you would like to avoid the commute, spend more time at sports events for your children, or volunteer more for your church.
Once you have fully explored the possibilities regarding time and money freedom, you need to put a star by a couple that could be realizable within a year (like a promised diamond wedding ring to replace the cheap band you started with, for example).
Let your spouse know that you are committed to working hard toward accomplishing the items on the family’s list with your
Stop “convincing” your spouse through high pressure tactics and instead allow your spouse to explore your product line without forcing a success story (in my company, the spouse often loses a huge amount of weight, like 19 pounds in 10 days, and then wants to take over the business).
Don’t commit a huge amount of family money to back a business if you are the only one excited about it; start on a shoestring and work your way up instead. Realize that what will shift your spouse’s attitude is a different result than what you’ve had before. You can only create a different result if you get “tunnel vision” with a “ten foot tall and bulletproof” mentality.
Make up your mind, once and for all, that you are not going to quit unless the company goes down. Too many people only pursue an opportunity for 90 days or less. If I had been relying on big production in my first 90 days, then I would’ve quit my deal and missed out on the almost 6 million dollars we made a little later.
Your spouse does not necessarily want to “take you to raise” and have to indulge all your poorly-thought-through whims. Understand that you will enhance the quality of your marital relationship considerably when you respect and acknowledge your spouse’s negative thoughts about your endeavors. If you really get honest, you’ll probably have to admit that the first time or two you tried such a venture, your spouse didn’t have those negative feelings.
If you work on understanding how your spouse feels and listen on that level, chances are you will break down the animosity with patience and production.
Some people say when you really want something . . . give it away. But, if what you really want is to control your spouse . . . give up on that idea. Chances are, you’ll start experiencing a lot more of what you’re really looking for once you stop controlling and start communicating.
A good marriage, after all, is just a good series of on-course corrections and compromises… preceded by tremendous empathy and a desire by both spouses to bring more than 50% to the relationship.
If you are having spousal problems in
Remember what they say: “You could do it without ’em, but you’d whole lot rather have them on your side.”